3/11 - In my last post, I wrote that Cherbourg already feels like home.
I wish to recant that statement.
The language barrier here is real. It's no joke. Because I'm unable to communicate in French besides short, simple statements, it's difficult to meet people. As a result I've spent a lot of time by myself, simply thinking. It does get lonely here because of that. But, If there has been one good thing about this move, it has allowed me to slow down, step back and reflect.
In the months leading up to the move (and in the first week here), my reasons for making this jump didn't take much thought: I have the opportunity, so why not? That is, and was, painfully shortsided. Typical of my life, I didn't think things through. Dazzled by the chance to live in another country like a child entranced by a gift wrapped in shiny wrapping paper, I didn't think about what I wanted to accomplish. I didn't set any goals.
During my walk up the hill which overlooks the city earlier this week, there was a moment where I wondered about why I'm even here. What's the point? Is there something I'm working towards? I felt like I was spinning my wheels, stagnating. But then later that day, I finally realized what I should have a month ago:
I am here to learn French. That's the purpose of this whole adventure. Nothing else.
Because I am here to learn French, it dawned on me recently that I should be throwing my full effort into this. Every particle of my being should strive to learn French. In the words of Eric Thomas, when I want to succeed as bad as I want to breathe, that's when I'll succeed.
Unfortunately, I have never reached that point. It has been typical of me to take things in my life for granted: jobs, friendship, education, opportunities, health; I noticed today I have taken Bleacher Report for granted too, because I'm rushing through edits, thus missing glaring mistakes.
I have been a stereotypical millenial in that I have been handed things, and at times I feel entitled. I don't quite understand what it means to put in a full day of hard work, and then some more. This has obviously held me back, and I now second-guess myself.
No more. I cannot, no, I will not accept mediocrity from myself anymore.
I am supposed to be here, because this is where I am. It should be no other way. But, I can't help but think there is another reason for me to be here, but one that has yet to reveal itself. In time, however, I will understand...
Anyway...I am being too hard on myself again. This is an incredible opportunity to live in France. Within the past week, the trees have been losing their leaves and the air is fresh, crisp and cool. I sat down at a cafe today, ordered an espresso and watched people walk by. While listening to a steady hip-hop beat, I suddenly smiled to myself. I am doing something fantastic. I live in France. It can't all be bad.
In other news, I have set up a time when I will travel to Paris for a week in January for private tutoring with Marie-Amance's father Philippe, who is Canadian. We will study for an average of three hours per day, speak nothing but French and take excursions inside the city to practice. He already knows I have studied Spanish and German extensively, but he warned me that French will be more difficult than any of the languages I have been exposed to.
I have also finalized a visit to country No. 18: Portugal! I'll fly to Lisbon for a couple of days in December; the trip will be similar to when I explored Chicago in March. Short, but exciting. And, it's stupid not to take advantage of a round trip flight for $42.
I am still swimming several days out of the week, but that fantastic pool does get crowded at times; today the lane in which I swam had four other swimmers.
Since drinking four beers during my first night, I have yet to consume any more alcohol. I don't need to! It's kind of a nice feeling, and I am losing weight.
My time in Cherbourg has exposed me to one other first: using shaving cream for my face. I didn't know shaving could be so painless...
4/11 - I arrived in Poole yesterday via the ferry. This is home! Everything is familiar, right down to the deli in the harbor where I ate lunch, had a coffee and waited for the rain to settle down.
While sipping on my latte and reading about the latest chapter of the Brexit nonsense in this country from The Telegraph newspaper, while also listening to British accents, I had to smile to myself again. I seem to gravitate towards places where I have lived in the past and have deep connections. For me, there is comfort, safety and familiarity in these places.
I could bore you with the description of an afternoon and evening of meeting up with old friends inside Bournemouth Square and some deep conversation, but the more prudent story is simply the ride back to Poole on the bus. While in the middle of the ride back to Poole, I felt a moment of nostalgia. When I lived there, the busses were my lifeline. How sweet and appropriate that I got the chance to ride them again!
5/11 - I'm back on the ferry to Cherbourg. There's nothing more to say except for one thing. Home isn't only 5,000-plus miles away in California; It's also a short ferry ride across the English Channel.
Until next time.
