Friday, June 23, 2017

Leaving Cherbourg, Walden and a new filter

15/6 - In two days I'll be back in California. Of course, I still need to pack my things and clean the flat (always leaving these things to the last minute). I'm excited to make the journey back to my hometown!

I saw a video last night where the speakers talked about the importance of simply trying something and putting forth an effort to make it work. If you try but fail, it's not a bad thing because you weren't afraid to give it a go.

There were many reasons not to move to France: I quit my job and couldn't get one there because of the visa, I didn't speak French, I didn't know anyone, I was laid off from my part time job, the country was unsafe, etc.

But I followed my instinct, which told me to go to France because that's what felt right. In other words, I gave it a try.

Eight months later, I'm glad I drove to the French Consulate in San Francisco four times to sort out the visa. I'm happy I learned basic French in order to get by. I'm proud I made Cherbourg my home during this time. I'm happy I tried.

I didn't fail, either; It was a massive success!

By quitting and moving to France, I removed myself from routine that made me unhappy and feel stuck. I removed myself and did a restart, so to say. Coming here enabled me to examine the inner reaches of my core being in solitude. It's appropriate to say that I was a bit like Henry David Thoreau when he went to live in the forest and wrote Walden.

"I went to live in the forest because I wished to live deliberately, to suck the marrow out of life..."

My forest was a tiny, 3-story flat in a French seaport. Is there really any difference? This comparison only recently came to me, and not once did I ever have the arrogance as to expect to have a Thoreau experience. Hindsight is a funny thing. I certainly feel as though I sucked the marrow out of my time in France, because now I'm a bit more self-aware than before. 

17/6 - I was emotional when I left England for the final time, because I wanted to stay; that was an incredible year and I wanted to keep traveling. My final days in Porterville were difficult because I realized how I had acted and was ashamed of myself.

Leaving the flat in Cherbourg for the final time was remarkably easy. It was strange because this was such a big part of my life, but it wasn't difficult to leave the flat or say goodbye to my friends. There was no longing to stay a few more weeks to see the upcoming music festivals in the area, no inner disappointment that the stay lasted only eight months.

I feel completely satisfied by my time in Normandy. I accomplished everything I set out to do, I learned new skills and have a new hobby. Besides meeting Marie-Amance in person, there wasn't much more I could do.

In other words, it felt right to leave. My head and heart had drifted off to another place once again, leaving my physical body in limbo. At this rate I wonder if I'll ever be able to settle in one spot for more than a year.

Wanderlust is definitely an addiction and I've had my fix for the time being. Because I live with this affliction, I dunno if I'll be able to lead the "normal" life of working a job for 40 years in an office, buying a car, house and whatever else the American Dream involves.

I'm in my element when on the move. I'm a stubborn, nomadic vagabond. I'm a lone wolf perfectly comfortable operating alone in a strange land. Travel gives me purpose and a sense of accomplishment.

Why would I ever move away from that?

There ends my story in France. I want to thank those of you who have followed along on this adventure. You all definitely know a little bit more about what goes on inside my own head. But keep in mind this is merely the end of a chapter, as new travels are approaching quickly.

Les Dunes de Biville


Les Dunes de Biville

22/6 - Greetings from California, and Pacific Standard Time. Thankfully the jetlag is no more. A new piece of photography equipment has joined me here, and the results are in the photo below.

Back home on the banks of the Sacramento River, accompanied by some new equipment.
I created this shot with the help of a neutral density filter, which is a darkly tinted piece of glass that covers the end of the camera lense; Think of it as sunglasses for the camera. By using this filter, I can limit the amount of light that enters the lense during a long-exposure shot in the daytime. The picture above took 20 seconds to complete. Without the filter, the picture would be much too light. 

Friday, June 9, 2017

Stretch run in Cherbourg, photo contests and a lighthouse

29/5 - Spring and summer have arrived in Cherbourg, with warmth and humidity. I've begun hearing the sounds of doves, which will always bring back the memory of Grandma Honey's house.

With the trek in Italy finished and no more travel on the horizon before my return to California in a few weeks, it's time to reflect on my time here with the help of hindsight.

As I sit at this cafe surrounded by the sound of British voices and watching horse-drawn carriages carrying tourists recording the ride with their phones, I find it difficult to organize and marshal my thoughts. There are many things I want to say, but I'm not exactly sure how to write them.

You all know the circumstances of my arrival. It was a low point, fresh off six months in the most toxic work environment possible. I was feeling ashamed and guilty of how the previous year in Porterville had played out and how I treated people during that time.

I was dealing with the fact I could not communicate because I didn't speak French. Self confidence was low. It was a difficult first couple of weeks because I had taken myself far outside of my comfort zone.

But, I persevered. I got comfortable in my new surroundings. It was an accomplishment to get the basics of French down to the point where I could "get by" because I started from zero. It was a gutsy decision to take on this adventure and if I could do it, anyone can.

Since I've spent almost two years of my life living in Europe, I can finally say with certainty that I'm ready to go back to California. The ravenous hunger for travel has been satisfied for now, at least around Europe. There are many places I've yet to visit on this continent and I will see them in time; I'm only 27 years old after all.

The thought has been in my head for a while. I've visited 23 countries in my life and seen some amazing things, but I've seen only a tiny fraction of the world (perhaps half of Europe). It's time to branch out. Asia is calling. South America. Africa. Australia.

31/5 - Throughout my time in France, I've written about what I perceived to be my purpose for being here, and how it was in a constant state of flux.

I had some expectations for what I'd focus on while being here, such as improving my work ethic and improving as a person; some of those were dead on. While I had some goals, at the same time I felt lost in the first few weeks here, like I was stagnating again. But I knew my actual purpose would reveal itself in time.

It did.

My second long-term stint in Europe taught me that it's no longer all about me, an only child who has only ever thought about himself. I've learned that true success comes from pulling more weight than necessary, and that's done by putting others first.

I've learned how to put aside my own emotions for the sake of appreciating a situation. Letting emotions of the moment dictate a decision is not OK because logic goes out the window. For this, I will thank world-famous works of art such as the Mona Lisa.

I've learned that when we work, whether it's for a job or personal, 100 percent of our mind, heart and soul must go into it; The intensity must be high. Otherwise, it would be a waste of time not only for myself but for my coworkers, employers and personal goals.

I write this as I sit against a large tree in Emmanuel Liais Park, listening to the fountain of cascading water in the pond and my bare feet in the grass. My time of self-imposed exile is coming to a close, and I can't do much but be thankful for the time I've been given. .

Cherbourg will always be my home. It has been such an important chapter of my life that semi-formed ideas for another tattoo that involve the crest of Cherbourg are floating around in my head. This was also the city where my interest in photography was awakened, and it's been a thrill to learn about the capabilities of this camera.

It has been helpful to enter photography contests and challenges online because I've been able to see the work of photographers much better than me. Their jaw-dropping shots give me inspiration. And short day trips to places close to Cherbourg such as Barfleur and Gatteville Lighthouse also provide plenty of opportunity to compose photos.