Reflection

19/9 - Today was my final day with the Recorder. I ended it on a high note by apologizing for my actions and behavior over the past year. Through my reflection I've realized how much of a jerk I've been to some people, and I feel awful. Now is the time to make things right.

I'll move out on Wednesday. This neighborhood has been a great place to live. It's now time to leave. In fact, these final few days kind of feel like my final few days in Poole; it's bittersweet.

20/9 - It turns out I had to make amends with my roommates as well. They had been upset with me because I'm such a messy person who doesn't clean up after himself, and they had been looking forward to my exit before we cleared the air. Tonight we ate dinner together and enjoyed each other's company. Though this isn't an excuse, I could blame the fact I'm an inconsiderate roommate on the fact I'm an only child. I never had to share anything, and I always had my own room. Could it be that I can't read people as well as I think I can because of this?

Today was another day of reflection about myself, as well as making amends to other people I've wronged. As a result I feel much more calm and happier. The year should have turned out differently but it ends on a high note. And the biggest lesson from today is that I need to take all of the mistakes I've made and turn them into lessons to be used later.

23/9 - After reflecting on the interactions I've had with women in the past 6 months, I shocked myself by realizing how much of an ass I've been in almost all of them. How had I not noticed it until now? Several apologies resulted from this revelation; whether I hear a response is up in the air.

24/9 - I visited the French Consulate again on Thursday, but after giving them a letter from my parents, they now want financial information from them as well. It was annoying at first, but how will that help? Let's just get moving and get this new information.

Thankfully, to make up for the consulate disappointment,  all of my stresses vanished with an hour-long ride on a Ducati Monster on Highway 1. I hadn't felt ecstasy and pure, high-inducing joy like that since February on my old Ducati. It was incredible, a ride that left me feeling emotionally drained.

25/9 - With those apologies came positive results, which was quite pleasantly surprising. The ego must be shelved in order to move forward. There's a part of me that is disappointed this whole transformation and enlightenment didn't happen six months ago, but it's happening now for a reason. I have to accept that and embrace it.

With just a couple more days in Porterville, I'm ending this on a high note. It's the beginning of a new chapter in my life, one in which I am more aware of myself and my faults, and what I need to do to fix them. The transition for Europe will also be smoother because I already know what to expect.