7/12 - We lost 28-0 at Southampton today. Again, it wasn't the best performance from the whole team, but we held the Stags to just one score in the second half.
Today was the first day I've felt confident playing linebacker in a game. I also realized the kind of mindset you should have to be successful is this: nothing or no one will get in my way to the runner with the ball. Don't be afraid of contact. Hustle to the ball. Play without fear. Play like you're having fun. Have a desire to be the first person to reach the runner. Be violent. It takes a while to grow into that mindset, but I'm finally understanding it.
I'm enjoying the violent aspect of the game. During certain plays I find myself in a physical battle with another player on the offensive line. We come in contact once, but then the play extends down the field, so we get a couple more shots at each other, complete with lowered shoulders, grunts and jarring change of direction. And when the play is over, we pat each other on the helmet to say "good job."
If I connected a microphone to myself, I think I'd hear growling and guttural sounds during plays, curse words and screams of frustration. It's like my inner caveman is being released during this game and I turn into some humanoid creature that doesn't belong in modern society. In this state I don't fully register getting a facemask to the forearm or other impacts to my arms that create bruises. But at other times, like right now, I quite like the fact I have bruises, a lump on my right forearm from contact with a facemask, two sore hip flexors, a hip and a thigh. I'm exhausted and sore, but it makes me feel like I'm getting the full experience of playing real American football.
This is the perfect sport for someone to use as either an outlet for excess aggression, or for someone looking to get more aggressive or assertive. It's essentially war, modern day gladiators. Drive your shoulder into someone. Punch those blocks away. Hit anything that comes your way. It's barbaric, but I like it.
9/12 - I completed my speech today. Again, there were a few things that have never happened to me before. The first of which is the fact I volunteered to go first, and also the fact I actually practiced the speech the night before. I felt nervous, but I kept reminding myself that English is my first language, unlike four of my classmates, and that calmed me down a bit. And really, if I can be totally comfortable during a nude photoshoot, I can stand in front of eight people fully clothed and make a speech.
It was such a relief to be finished with the speech. I felt exactly as how I predicted I'd feel, which is incredibly relieved. I also noticed I began to feel more comfortable near the end of the speech, though my mouth was still dry and my voice shook a bit. I've noticed as I get older things don't seem to be as big a deal. Just relax.
One last thing: next term doesn't begin until February. So I'll finish my three essays and go travel somewhere. I have plenty of time. It's almost too much time. I'm thinking about going to Amsterdam, Paris, Germany or Scotland...or Hadrian's Wall. So many choices. And recently I've thought about going to Finland or Norway to try to see the Northern Lights.
11/12 - I'm getting sick. It happened at most opportune time, too, as there was a Christmas social with the football team last night. I had the chills, a headache, stuffy sinuses and felt a bit dizzy, but I told people I was going to be there. I stayed for less than an hour I think, just to say hi and show off my Christmas sweater, which was easily the best and most unique.
No comments:
Post a Comment