4/5 - I snapped last Friday; it was a culmination of things.
After watching a softball player drop a simple pop up that went maybe 10 feet into the air (it was her second of the game), I threw my hands up in frustration. Watching bad softball or baseball has that effect on me.
This put me into a foul mood the rest of the day and well into Sunday. It made me realize I need to stop lying to myself. I can try to find all of the positives about living in Porterville all I want, but it doesn't change the fact I strongly dislike living here. Time to stop fronting. I've spent close to two years total living in Porterville, and I think I've had quite enough.
It's everything associated with this town, right down to the bartender who didn't know what a stout is, and still gave me the wrong bottle even after I pointed to it to help her. It's this mediocrity that has finally gotten to me. But, this is Porterville; what should I expect? This is a phrase that has become common thinking for me, and I severely dislike it. I'm settling for much less than the best here.
On Monday I hiked up Rocky Hill and, still fuming with no one around me, I let out an F-bomb at the top of my voice. I know I've been trying to justify moving back to Porterville after finishing my year in Europe, but I just can't do it anymore. It's been great to connect with old friends again and learn new things, but I cannot deny the truth any longer: Moving away from Europe to be here was a moronic decision on my part.
Now I need to do something to change this situation. I've begun the job search, applying all over the country for different kinds of jobs, not just in journalism. I now have an interest in moving to Australia.
In other news, I've been disqualified from the Coast Guard for medical reasons. When I heard the recruiter say that, I wasn't truly disappointed. I guess deep down I knew that would be the case, hence why it took so long to get the medical record to them and why I barely opened the ASVAB practice test book. My heart wasn't really into it.
This just means it's an opportunity to explore other avenues. I still desire to do something huge with my life, and that has to be away from Porterville. So, here's to the job hunt; I expect six months before I get a yes.
10/5 - The trip to San Francisco for Mother's Day evolved into a day of me ranting about my situation in Porterville. It also reminded me about how much I'd love to live in San Francisco, why I should have studied something more useful than journalism and how much I need to get out of the Central Valley. But by the end of the day, I was reminded why a lot of people can't afford to live there: it's so expensive!
But, it was still enjoyable to hang out with my parents, Nick and Eddy for the day in one of the best cities in the world. I'm thankful I got to do that.
12/5 - I figured out yesterday I'm developing anger issues, and they stem from the hostile environment in which I work everyday. Yesterday was another episode of elevated stress and anger at one person, and I finally had enough; I told someone about it who could actually do something to correct the situation, though I'm not sure if anything will happen.
I can't do this much longer. The person I've become since coming to back to Porterville is angry and resentful. Something needs to be done to fix that; I guess the first step to that is recognizing I have an issue.
Anyway...the trip to Mexico is next week and coming at the perfect time! A bit of adventure and travel will do wonders for me. Since it's so close, I'm getting that sense of nervous anticipation. It's a big trip, one where the use of Spanish is vital.
The plane tickets to London are also finalized, so that was a feeling of relief as well. I'm really looking forward to that trip in June.
As for the job search, it's still early. GoPro told me thanks but no thanks and I've had calls from a few places to reach out. Nothing is for sure right now, but as you all can tell I really would like to find something soon.
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