During Friday's practice, we were practicing tackling. I was up against James, a guy who has a background in rugby, and when he wrapped up my legs I felt and heard my left knee crack. So now my knee is a little stiff.
Playing football has made me look at myself a little deeper. It's difficult to put into words, but I feel like I need to confront the fear I have while playing. It's really affecting the way I play and definitely murdering my confidence, especially in terms of tackling. Some of my teammates are so good at it, but I have to remind myself they have a background in rugby, so they've been doing it for years. It's just been a few months for me.
I was looking forward to going hiking today, but I woke up after 1 p.m. because I had such a good time at our karaoke party last night. So we didn't go because it was too late. Just imagine how upset and disappointed I was, considering I had been looking forward to that all week.
3/2 - We lost at Portsmouth 25-0 on Sunday. It was another bad day for me, as I didn't play very much due to a combination of me having lost all confidence in my ability to tackle, a lost mouth guard on a kickoff after getting annihilated from behind (these British refs are comically bad) and my bulky knee (which felt good enough to play and is almost better, though I can still feel it going up and down stairs).
It was another bad Sunday for me. It all stems from the fact I just want to feel like I contributed to the game result. Sure, I stayed involved on the sideline, cheering teammates on and being loud in general, and playing special teams, but I want more. But when I take a step back and write in hindsight, it's just a game. It's supposed to be fun and I'm keeping myself from having fun because I'm being so hard on myself. There are other more important things. And if I'm honest with myself, I just wish my family could see a game.
But on a positive note, a professional photographer was at the game and got this shot:
I finally started my second term at school and realized it's going to be incredibly easy. Stupid easy. Open-the-door-and-get-admitted-to-the-university easy. There are just four of us in the class now, as the two Germans finished their course and have gone back home. And I ran my rough idea for my 15,000-word dissertation past my professor and he really seemed to be intrigued by the thought.
3/2 - It snowed last night. There is less than an inch of snow on the ground, but there is plenty of it. So I went to wake up Stella shortly after 8 a.m. because she's never seen snow before. I woke her up and told her to open the window. She didn't believe me, but when she opened the curtain and saw the white stuff she gasped. She instantly became fully awake. It was really cool to see her reaction to the first time seeing snow.
I got her on video when we first walked outside and touched it. And for the next hour or so we walked to the park by the harbor and made snowballs and snow angels. Snow is another one of those things some of us take for granted. It seems so simple but it's incredibly beautiful at the same time. Can you remember the first time you saw snow? How did it make you feel?
4/2 - The Spanish conversation club started up again today and it went incredibly well. I'm getting more and more comfortable speaking Spanish, and I'm understanding more when I listen.
And an update on my knee; it's feeling much better. I only feel it if I'm going down a steep hill or something like that. And since our final game is in two weeks, I'm going to be mentally tough and do the best I possibly can in practice. What's the point of dwelling on past performances if they just drag you down. Friday and Sunday are more opportunities to get better.
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